i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
