fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is the high leading the old right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
