so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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