My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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