Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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