toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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