so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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