If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
