do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
