But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee