we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
