i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize