Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
