Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
