just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
