apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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