I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So many bounce houses so little time
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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