every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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