Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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