Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
