I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
