how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
