I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
