You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
