So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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