hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
