she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
