I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
