just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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