I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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