Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
