Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
