If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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