my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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