Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
