Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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