he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
