She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
