There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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