I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The power of my boobs compel you
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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