nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
