Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
