you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
