i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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