i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
