Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
