Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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