It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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