Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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