And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
