K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Still dying that you shit outside
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
