Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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