She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
