It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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