We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
