What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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