i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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