i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.