Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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