That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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