Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
