Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
