he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
