tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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