R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
