I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
