I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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