The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
