A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
